Wait. You're in that event? How did you end up in that. Did the government force you? That's... Doesn't your dominant have to fuck you on stage in that?
[How could Kol know that Edward had been alive for so long and never been laid. It was one of the first debaucheries that Kol dug himself deep into after turning. Sex and blood, it all went hand in hand in his world. That and magic. He was a horrible person for a very long time, and then he was locked away by his brother.
He learned, he curbed his ways because he had to over time, and he still was far from perfect, but he was trying. Still, Edward puzzled him. Looking over at the extraordinarily handsome man, Kol lifted his brow. ]
Not paired up? You have to be in a pair to have really good sex, then. Can't you just go get yourself laid?
[Rolling over on his side to face Edward, Kol looks over at him and reaches out to lay a hand on his leg where it stretches in front of him. ]
Getting out on your own. That sounds pretty lonely, man.
( a gentle drop of his gaze to that hand, he falls quiet, as he often does, lost in his own thoughts away from the mutterings of so many others that don't belong to him. up here, it's just him and kol. )
I did a lot of things when I became what I am. ( a monster. ) Hunted, stalked, killed.
( they all deserved it. all were terrible people and he would know, what with being able to read their thoughts. he might have rebelled against carlise — against what he had done to him and how he had unwillingly ripped his soul away, but. he couldn't bring himself to senselessly kill. )
Sleeping around was never one of those things. I suppose I was too angry— too disgusted by what I had become to really want any of that.
[the gentle silence is taken for what it is. Kol understands the need to think, to mull over the years that have passed and the lives lived, even if Edward is so very young still. He can't imagine how difficult it must be for the other who has to live with all the voices, even if he knows how to block most of them out.
Kol hummed and nodded, sitting back up to look seriously over at Edward, understanding completely.]
We all did dark things when we were turned. I can't even count the people I've killed, the gross debauchery I decided was lavish and fun that was truly debase and ... pure murder. I considered all humans less than, and merely food for so many years. I was bored, and lived like that until I found a reason to live otherwise. I understand what it's like to feel that grief and pain. I know what it's like to be disgusted by who you are, what you were made into.
[he lifts his fingers to the edge of Edward's face, and slides them along to his chin so that he can run a thumb over his lips.]
You don't have to do it alone though. You know that, right? There are others, like myself who understand.
( someone who's lived as long as kol has... the body count must be extraordinary. things edward himself can't even begin to comprehend. especially those earlier years, when you're a newborn vampire — when everything feels, smells, looks, and sounds different. when they taste different, to the point of driving one to near madness to fulfill that craving for a particular taste on the tongue and the disgust that comes with it all.
but edward can hear thoughts — hear the panic that floods their mind when they're dying there in front of him, in his grasp, and powerless to do anything. he's heard those thoughts — hasn't cared in the least. can anyone really know what that's like to live with? to know ones last thoughts in their short moments left of life?
a slow blink of eyes, aware of that thumb running along his lips, he lifts his gaze to look to kol, rather sullen. )
[Edward may have the ability to read minds, but if Kol wished he has the ability to capture a mind, and actually see inside it, vivid details. He can live as they die, and has had what he considered the pleasure of doing so. He can create fantasy worlds for them to live and die in as well. It's all about the thrall of blood, taking and sharing. There's a bold difference between their worlds and powers.
There's no doubt in Kol's eyes as he looks deep into Edwards. He sighs and takes a deep breath. Moving his hand up to the side of Edward's head, this is something he can do without blood. ]
May I share something with you? I don't want to overwhelm you, just let you see in part, what I understand in whole. .
( he figures he means push those thoughts to the forefront of his mind — to let whatever barriers he might have around them, fall, so that edward can hear and, in a sense, "see them" in his mind's eye.
gaze still lingering on kol there, his voice is soft when he speaks. )
[Because they are Kol's thoughts directly, he has the ability to share his own mindscape with those he chooses. He's actually only done it once before. Sure, he's been in shared realities with his siblings, tied by magic, but this is more intimate. Kol knows he was so far from human for so long and that makes this more than difficult. It's not something he does with lightness. He does it so that Edward understands that he's not alone.
Not too long ago there was something, someone who changed him. Changed him for so much better, but Kol would still always fight when it came to his family. That was a side that still and always would exist. He may be better, but he will always be a vampire, will always be that predator.
Closing his eyes, Kol opened to Edward and sent memories across the barrier, memories of being young and tied to a tree, of his death and rebirth as one of the first vampires, his first kill, and the pain and the grief that tore through him as he felt every moment of it, unable to stop the vivid images that came across-- no ability whatsoever to dampen any of his powers. All his senses alive ans still overpowering him. Then came the massacres, and the deadening of his soul, and more images flashed through his mind. Some were felt, and some were seen, all were shared with Edward. Kol knew what it was they felt, he knew what it was to be alive for a thousand years, and feel millions of deaths on his shoulders.
Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and his hand fell, as did he. Kol dropped forward and turned to the side, not wanting to be looked at. Bile closed his throat and he swallowed it down. He accepted long ago who he was, but he didn't often relive it, and never for someone else. ]
( the things he's allowed to hear — the way in which they play out, in a sense, within his mind's eye... he's not entirely sure what he had expected with this. it's jarring and very brutal in ways he hasn't fully done himself, but it's not enough to make him pull away — to label kol the monster that he believes himself to be. how can he, when he's done his own share of murder and ravaging of others?
the brutality of such things read, it's the pain which he can almost feel himself from the other that has him staring to kol — to the way he turns away from him and shares his deep grief of knowing far too well what it is like to feel this. to have lived this. to still carry it with you in some capacity even so many years later.
for a moment, silence. he needs it and he feels maybe kol does, too. it's only after a breeze brushes so very gently across a cold, pale cheek, that he looks over then, gaze soft, and reaches out — hesitating at first — to gently place a hand on kol's shoulder. )
I'm sorry.
( voice soft and yet so very genuine in the empathy he feels for him. )
[That's not even the half of it. Kol held back his very real death, the one that immortals like him, that originals like him aren't supposed to die. He held back the fact that his mother brought him back as a witch only to die again to be resurrected by the love of his life who was killed dead in his arms by his brother. Kol's life was a mess, but he was slowly turning it around in Davina's name.
Coming out here was a start, making sure he fed and didn't kill was another important part of the entire process. He'd been doing really well. This air and the smaller population was nice. Edward's friendship was something he was coming to really lean on and Kol only hoped that he hadn't doomed it with his life.
He knew it wasn't what Edward was expecting, but the hand on his shoulder told him that he wasn't alone. Kol let out a shuddered breath. He turned back toward Edward, tears rimming his eyes. He pushed them away, and placed his hand over Edwards. ]
It's a part of being alive for so long, for starting our part of the race. We had to learn on our own. It wasn't easy. You're not alone. You won't be alone.
( it's strange to hear. you're not alone. you won't be alone. he has his family, he knows and yet... he still feels as if he is at times. alone.
the tears there that had been in kol's eyes are seen, edward unsure with what to do or say that could possibly make it better — that could quell such anguish he feels in this moment and still, very much, carries with him. he's not sure — he feels as though he should know and yet, all he can do is simply keep his hand there where kol's now rests atop it.
maybe it's the fact that kol understands — maybe it's the fact that he still hasn't fed properly. whatever the case, he finds himself leaning in some, eyes still with that softness in them and he says, very genuinely: )
[Another deep breath steadies the vampire and the worst of the memories start to fade back into the deeper recesses of his mind. They will never leave. His long life stays with him always, another curse of his kind. All of his memories will always remain with him for as long as he shall walk this earth, which now that all of the white oak is gone looks to be forever.
Kol was looking for no words of kindness, no remission of his sins. He bore his guilt and wore the sins on his soul. It was a relief knowing he had families around him that understood the pain that their kind could feel,and that there were others out there that worked to keep from hurting others carelessly.
Turning in towards Edward further, Kol brushes against his shoulder and then brings their faces closer. He searches Edward's eyes and the compassion there withers his heart. He hasn't let anyone touch him this deeply since Davina, and now this friendship... ]
You have me, and I have you.
[This time when Kol reaches out he brings his nose in close and brushes it against the side of Edward's cheek. It's been so long since he's thought about gender being a thing in relationships that he doesn't stop to think about Edward being one way or another. He only wants to be close to someone right now, to be close to Edward right now. It's more than his attraction earlier. This is about the vulnerability that they've each shared.
He tips his head to the side and whispers his lips against Edwards, and then pauses.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Late Jan, in the afternoon
Date: 2021-01-25 11:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 12:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 12:23 am (UTC)A lot.
You know that absurd pet show they're advertising all over the city?
no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 12:41 am (UTC)Fuck.
Yeah, I heard of it. Why, what of it?
no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 12:52 am (UTC)I'm on my way out to it.
no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 01:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 01:51 am (UTC)They signed me up for it. I don't know, I just saw the run down a few minutes ago.
I'm scheduled for tonight.
no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 02:07 am (UTC)I might have been able to get you out out of it.
Let me see what I can do.
I'll do my best.
I have to be careful, or they'll catch on.
I don't want him touching you like that.
no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 02:44 am (UTC)What can you do?
They dropped this on me when I returned from work. He's never touched me before and... I...
no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 02:55 am (UTC)We just don't talk a lot about serious stuff.
Okay, Okay.
I can... compel people if you don't tell anyone.
I will try to get you out, but if I can't...
Maybe I can put myself in his place.
It's not perfect, but at least it's not him?
no subject
Date: 2021-01-26 03:59 am (UTC)You... We're almost there. There isn't enough time.
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From:hope this is okay!<3
Date: 2021-02-24 05:17 am (UTC)And before you assume I think you're the Beast, just wanna say both of them reminded me of you.
It's fine. I'm just slow and should log onto his journal more. ><
Date: 2021-03-02 08:10 pm (UTC)Me.
Kidding.
Maybe.
As long as I'm not the candlestick or any of the other silverware, clocks or teapots. Maybe I'm Gaston. People always do paint me as the asshole.
You know you're always going to be my beauty, right?
no rush!! <3 and feel free to ignore if you're not up for it :)
Date: 2021-03-03 01:35 am (UTC)Also, he doesn't exude the same big dick energy you do. ;)
Always? Even when I'm sick and resemble a bruised peach more than a human being?
@mindreader
Date: 2023-10-24 09:24 pm (UTC)[How could Kol know that Edward had been alive for so long and never been laid. It was one of the first debaucheries that Kol dug himself deep into after turning. Sex and blood, it all went hand in hand in his world. That and magic. He was a horrible person for a very long time, and then he was locked away by his brother.
He learned, he curbed his ways because he had to over time, and he still was far from perfect, but he was trying. Still, Edward puzzled him. Looking over at the extraordinarily handsome man, Kol lifted his brow. ]
Not paired up? You have to be in a pair to have really good sex, then. Can't you just go get yourself laid?
[Rolling over on his side to face Edward, Kol looks over at him and reaches out to lay a hand on his leg where it stretches in front of him. ]
Getting out on your own. That sounds pretty lonely, man.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-24 10:24 pm (UTC)I did a lot of things when I became what I am. ( a monster. ) Hunted, stalked, killed.
( they all deserved it. all were terrible people and he would know, what with being able to read their thoughts. he might have rebelled against carlise — against what he had done to him and how he had unwillingly ripped his soul away, but. he couldn't bring himself to senselessly kill. )
Sleeping around was never one of those things. I suppose I was too angry— too disgusted by what I had become to really want any of that.
( a physical connection. an intimacy. )
no subject
Date: 2023-10-24 10:39 pm (UTC)Kol hummed and nodded, sitting back up to look seriously over at Edward, understanding completely.]
We all did dark things when we were turned. I can't even count the people I've killed, the gross debauchery I decided was lavish and fun that was truly debase and ... pure murder. I considered all humans less than, and merely food for so many years. I was bored, and lived like that until I found a reason to live otherwise. I understand what it's like to feel that grief and pain. I know what it's like to be disgusted by who you are, what you were made into.
[he lifts his fingers to the edge of Edward's face, and slides them along to his chin so that he can run a thumb over his lips.]
You don't have to do it alone though. You know that, right? There are others, like myself who understand.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-24 11:20 pm (UTC)but edward can hear thoughts — hear the panic that floods their mind when they're dying there in front of him, in his grasp, and powerless to do anything. he's heard those thoughts — hasn't cared in the least. can anyone really know what that's like to live with? to know ones last thoughts in their short moments left of life?
a slow blink of eyes, aware of that thumb running along his lips, he lifts his gaze to look to kol, rather sullen. )
Do you?
( understand. )
no subject
Date: 2023-10-24 11:43 pm (UTC)There's no doubt in Kol's eyes as he looks deep into Edwards. He sighs and takes a deep breath. Moving his hand up to the side of Edward's head, this is something he can do without blood. ]
May I share something with you? I don't want to overwhelm you, just let you see in part, what I understand in whole. .
no subject
Date: 2023-10-24 11:50 pm (UTC)gaze still lingering on kol there, his voice is soft when he speaks. )
Sure. What can it hurt?
no subject
Date: 2023-10-25 12:19 am (UTC)Not too long ago there was something, someone who changed him. Changed him for so much better, but Kol would still always fight when it came to his family. That was a side that still and always would exist. He may be better, but he will always be a vampire, will always be that predator.
Closing his eyes, Kol opened to Edward and sent memories across the barrier, memories of being young and tied to a tree, of his death and rebirth as one of the first vampires, his first kill, and the pain and the grief that tore through him as he felt every moment of it, unable to stop the vivid images that came across-- no ability whatsoever to dampen any of his powers. All his senses alive ans still overpowering him. Then came the massacres, and the deadening of his soul, and more images flashed through his mind. Some were felt, and some were seen, all were shared with Edward. Kol knew what it was they felt, he knew what it was to be alive for a thousand years, and feel millions of deaths on his shoulders.
Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and his hand fell, as did he. Kol dropped forward and turned to the side, not wanting to be looked at. Bile closed his throat and he swallowed it down. He accepted long ago who he was, but he didn't often relive it, and never for someone else. ]
I do. I do understand, and now so do you.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-25 10:26 pm (UTC)the brutality of such things read, it's the pain which he can almost feel himself from the other that has him staring to kol — to the way he turns away from him and shares his deep grief of knowing far too well what it is like to feel this. to have lived this. to still carry it with you in some capacity even so many years later.
for a moment, silence. he needs it and he feels maybe kol does, too. it's only after a breeze brushes so very gently across a cold, pale cheek, that he looks over then, gaze soft, and reaches out — hesitating at first — to gently place a hand on kol's shoulder. )
I'm sorry.
( voice soft and yet so very genuine in the empathy he feels for him. )
no subject
Date: 2023-10-25 10:42 pm (UTC)Coming out here was a start, making sure he fed and didn't kill was another important part of the entire process. He'd been doing really well. This air and the smaller population was nice. Edward's friendship was something he was coming to really lean on and Kol only hoped that he hadn't doomed it with his life.
He knew it wasn't what Edward was expecting, but the hand on his shoulder told him that he wasn't alone. Kol let out a shuddered breath. He turned back toward Edward, tears rimming his eyes. He pushed them away, and placed his hand over Edwards. ]
It's a part of being alive for so long, for starting our part of the race. We had to learn on our own. It wasn't easy. You're not alone. You won't be alone.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-25 11:03 pm (UTC)the tears there that had been in kol's eyes are seen, edward unsure with what to do or say that could possibly make it better — that could quell such anguish he feels in this moment and still, very much, carries with him. he's not sure — he feels as though he should know and yet, all he can do is simply keep his hand there where kol's now rests atop it.
maybe it's the fact that kol understands — maybe it's the fact that he still hasn't fed properly. whatever the case, he finds himself leaning in some, eyes still with that softness in them and he says, very genuinely: )
I know. I have you.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-26 01:06 am (UTC)Kol was looking for no words of kindness, no remission of his sins. He bore his guilt and wore the sins on his soul. It was a relief knowing he had families around him that understood the pain that their kind could feel,and that there were others out there that worked to keep from hurting others carelessly.
Turning in towards Edward further, Kol brushes against his shoulder and then brings their faces closer. He searches Edward's eyes and the compassion there withers his heart. He hasn't let anyone touch him this deeply since Davina, and now this friendship... ]
You have me, and I have you.
[This time when Kol reaches out he brings his nose in close and brushes it against the side of Edward's cheek. It's been so long since he's thought about gender being a thing in relationships that he doesn't stop to think about Edward being one way or another. He only wants to be close to someone right now, to be close to Edward right now. It's more than his attraction earlier. This is about the vulnerability that they've each shared.
He tips his head to the side and whispers his lips against Edwards, and then pauses.]
Is this okay?
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